Theyâre hardheaded. They dig their heels in. You know the type â people who are way too stubborn for their own good. While itâs easy to point the finger at others who exhibit this behavior, it can be hard to recognize this trait in yourself. Are you being too inflexible? Find out the signs in this article by Muriel Wilkins.    READ ARTICLE
âCan I even factor, that I’ve only been an actor. In this staged interpretation of this day? Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light. Too intelligent to see it’s me in the way.â  -Lauryn Hill
Every client who I coach has a âsomethingâ that gets in his or her own way. Sometimes it is anger towards others in their organization, impatience, fear of being judged, being the only woman on the executive team, past mistakes, a different professional or personal background and the list goes on. Their inability to transcend this âsomethingâ trumps their ability to live up to their full leadership potential. So how does one get out of their own way? There are three rules:
Rule #1: Do not make it all about you.
Donât indulge in a blame game or victim mentality. I have had executives who in an âahaâ moment share that once they stopped making whatever situation they were facing all about them, they were able to step up to the plate and be the leader that they could and needed to be.
Rule #2: Give benefit of the doubt to others…
even when they doubt you. Time and time again, I find executives who want more out of their teams yet at the core donât believe the team can do it. Or who think less of themselves when they hit a rough patch and are no longer the rising star of the company. Being able to get past yourself and see the possibilities in otherâs capacity is fundamental in reaching a new vision.
Rule #3: Laser focus on what works and cut out the noise.
As executives, it is easy to get caught up in  oneâs own internal noise and that being made by the organization. It is imperative to check your assumptions, the mindset by which you are viewing your leadership role and organization,   and laser focus on the ones that will help you put your best foot forward.
So next time you find yourself in a leadership challenge, check the rules. You may find that part of your success to make it to the end will be based on your ability to get out of your own way.
Getting out of oneâs own way as a leader starts with recognizing when you are in the way. This requires taking a step back, helicoptering up and looking at the situation from the outside. Think of a challenging situation that you face now whether it is interpersonally, trying to move a change initiative along or transitioning into new responsibilities.
Reflection Questions
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
âTo attract followers, a leader has to be many things to many people. The trick is to pull that off while remaining true to yourself.â Â Â Â – Robert Goffee + Gareth Jones
These days, it seems we cannot turn our head without the word âauthenticityâ in our faces. If authenticity was a product, it would surely be a hot seller. Clearly, the game of being authentic has become high stakes – – one only needs to watch the pundits square off on presidential hopefuls to see how high stakes it is. But what is authenticity? And, is it really as important as the weight we put on it? When asked the meaning of being authentic, most folks surface ideas of âbeing true to oneselfâ, âbeing comfortable in oneâs own skinâ, âwalking the talkâ. The problem is that these are all self-centered attributes focused on how one feels about oneself. According to Websterâs dictionary, authenticity is âa state of being that can be believed, is trusted and deemed reliable.â Authenticity is thereby a relational behavior rather than a self-centered one. To be truly authentic, one must not only be able to be comfortable with herself, but also comfortably connect with others.
Take a coaching client, Mark, a vice-president of a technology company. When we first met, he asked me what I thought of him. Given that I had only briefly interacted with him up to that point, it was a risky question to answer – – yet a very important one given what I had observed thus far. Here was my response: âClearly you are intelligent, ambitious and passionate about the work that you do. You appear to always have the ârightâ answer to my questions yet I wonder if they are your ârealâ answers. I feel like you tell me what you think I want to hear. So Iâll be curious to find out if others in your organization are experiencing you the same way.â My response was a hypothesis – – his 360 feedback from his peers and boss provided the data to drive the point home. Mark was seen as someone whom you never knew where he stood on the issues nor where you stood with him. His colleagues had over time lost trust in him because they were never sure if what he said was truly what he meant. This was a clear example of showing lack of authenticity because of an inability to be comfortable with oneâs own perspective, stance and direction nor connecting to what others need. As a leader, others want to know where you stand so they know whether to follow or walk with you – – they do not want to have to guess or be blindsided midstream.
While there is not a quick fix to increasing oneâs authenticity, there are several focus areas that will certainly help you get on a positive path. We refer to them as the 3 Pâs: Point of View, Position, and Personal History.
Point of View: By articulating his point of view on organizational issues, challenges and disagreements, Mark became more comfortable speaking his mind and being challenged on it. Having a point of view is critical to being authentic. Being open and willing to engage in exchanges on that point of view accentuates your leadership even further by demonstrating both strength and flexibility in the midst of challenges and change.
Positioning: While taking a position is important, over-positioning yourself within an organization is detrimental. Know the difference between navigating the political waters of your organization vs. actually becoming the politics itself. Mark became more forthright in his efforts to implement change in the organization – – rather than working primarily behind the scenes, he encouraged an open forum on the issues. Get support for your initiatives but be transparent about what you are doing, why you are doing it and how you are doing it.
Personal History: At the core, one needs to connect with their personal history and identify the key events, messages, people that shaped who they are today. Growing up, Mark did not come from a privileged socio- economic background. When he was sent to elite schools at a young age, the message he received was âto survive in this system, you need to watch your back and not rock the boat.â While that message might have served him well then, it was no longer serving him in the corporate leadership world. Exploring your personal history will often surface messages that are worth reexamining in order to truly express your authentic self.
As the path to Election 2016 continues and we watch with interest the pundits argue who is authentic and who is not, reflect on your own path: if you were the candidate, what would we be saying about your authenticity?
Whatâs your path to authenticity?
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
Take the next two minutes and write down your personal mission and vision. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Are you writing or are you locked in a state of fear/ disbelief/ cynicism? It is amazing how many leaders can promptly
articulate their organizationâs mission…. But asked for their personal mission or vision statement, they are stumped. Theyâve spent countless days, weeks, months hashing out what the organization represents and what it aspires to be in the marketplace but not a second articulating the same for themselves. What they donât realize is that to be an effective and engaged leader, one must not only skillfully manage the organizationâs vision…. They must also be adept at managing their personal vision.
Take James, for example, a former Paravis coaching client who is a Senior Vice President at an investment management firm. For years, James had been superbly successful. He had attended the best schools, worked at top-notch companies, and was quickly becoming a leader in his field and firm. By all accounts, James was a successful person. But James felt something lacking. He acknowledged that he was proud of all his accomplishments… yet he was starting to feel less and less engaged with his work. He realized that while he was busy fulfilling his firmâs mission, he had lost sight of his own mission. Upon further reflection, James realized that he did not have a vision for his own life. And as a result, he was unclear as to whether all his efforts were anchored in what was important to him. Jamesâ busyness and doing, doing, doing were certainly building up to some enviable results… the real question was, were Jamesâ results aligned with what he wanted for his life?
As an executive once said during a coaching discussion, âThe more senior you become, the more critical it becomes for you to constantly assess whether there is an intersection between what you want for your life and where your organization is heading. Without that intersection, you are on a slippery slope to disengagement. And a disengaged leader is an ineffective leader.â Finding out what you want for your life is not always easy because it often requires making trade-offs. That said, part of maturing as a leader, is the ability to see the choices and options in front of you and put a stake in the ground on which you select.
In Jamesâ case, we had him take a TOP-down approach to figuring out the personal piece of the formula:
While Jamesâ 3-step process sounds simple, it certainly isnât easy. It takes the discipline, maturity and willingness to take a hard and deep look at yourself, your work and your life. But if you make the investment, you will reap the benefits of taking your leadership engagement to the next level.
How can you define and manage YOUR personal vision and purpose? Â Ask yourself,
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
The icon may be gone but Steve Jobs has certainly left his mark – on an industry, a country, the world. By all accounts he was certainly the definition of visionary, and he seemingly found his own signature way of driving execution at Apple. There’s so much that we can learn from him about leadership. However, the story that stands out to me as I’ve read accounts of his life is this one he told in his graduation speech at Stanford in 2005:
“Because I had dropped out [of college] and didn’t have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can’t capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. … Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.”
While most of the world marches to the drumbeat of required classes, standardized tests and lock-step career paths, becoming more narrow and linear along the way, one of the biggest innovators (and job creators!) in our country made his success because he simply followed what he found fascinating. He gave himself permission to try new things and trusted somehow that his portfolio of interesting experiences would perhaps lead somewhere new and exciting. The Mac came from someone who had laid down lots of “dots” in his life, and found ways to connect them along the way.
I’ve seen many clients find great success, appearing very human and very authentic, and finding innovative answers, when they’re willing to connect disparate dots in their life to their work. It’s the hard-core scientist who supports a confused colleague through a poem he remembered from college, or the leader/musician who powerfully clarifies his role and vision for the organization by metaphorically saying he sees himself as the “conductor of the orchestra”.
While college and a degree(s) are likely a stock part of your resume, and you may not be inclined to quit your job to fulfill that long-held desire to be a celebrity chef or join an ashram, how can you intentionally create more “dots”, or connect the ones you’ve laid down, to find new possibilities in your work?
1) Engage in a creative practice. Find an activity that fascinates you and engages you in a new way – whether it’s taking a pottery class, flying airplanes, trying stand-up comedy or traveling to an exotic place — anything that requires that you get out of your comfort zone and find new ways to experience life. You never know where it may lead ten years down the road! And it’s all in the name of “work”!
2) Look for the next right answer. DeWitt Jones, a former National Geographic photographer is known for sticking with his shoot, even after he thinks he has “the” shot. When you think you (or your team) have “the” answer to a perplexing problem, or a visionary idea, don’t stop there-keep searching for the next right answer. Something tells me that Steve Jobs probably kept that creative conversation going beyond the first good answer, to find more dots to connect!
3) Find new connections in everyday life. Take two very unrelated ideas and see if you can find how they are related. Consider the latest intractable problem you’re facing, and just keep asking yourself very lightly throughout your day “how might this inform my thinking?” It could be as you’re reading the paper about the latest economic analysis of Greece, watching your son’s soccer coach run a practice, reading Dr. Seuss to your kids before bed, or seeing Les Mis at the Kennedy Center. How might each of those activities provide a new perspective on your situation?
Steve Jobs was certainly one-of-a-kind and his spirit of following his fascinations and trusting that the dots will connect is a legacy that continues to live on –for the sake of our economy and our humanity.
Your palms are sweaty. You stumble over your words. You donât seem to be getting a clear message across. You look around the table – – everyone is more senior than you… both in age and title. You wonder if they will ever take you seriously. Sound familiar? If so, you are among many who experience the âGrey Hairâ complex. The âgrey hairâ complex is a self-induced state of intimidation in the presence of more senior executives. It often begins with the false conviction that one would have more credibility if only they had the physical attributes that convey a higher level of seniority – – that physical attribute is often aptly summarized as âgrey hairâ connoting experience, wisdom and credibility. Dealing with the grey hair complex requires more than just changing your physical appearance… it requires conditioning oneself in three areas: Mental, Technical and Physical*.
Mental Conditioning: Believe That You Belong
A key success factor to conveying confidence in any given situation is determined by how you see yourself in that situation. In order to feel confident in the face of more senior executives, one must carry beliefs that support them in that effort. Mark, a client, had been a star at managing consulting teams for his firm. He was recently promoted to Senior Manager and was in line for partnership. But his new role required him to spend much more face time with internal and external senior executives. The time well spent would have a direct impact on his ability to cultivate, manage and convert client relationships into additional firm business. For several months, Mark struggled with the transition and lost confidence in how he interacted with senior individuals. Often the youngest one at the high-level client meetings, he deferred to the more senior partners with him. He hesitated to challenge his senior clients with questions or his point of view. While Mark wished for the day when executives would see him as a peer, he refused to see himself as such. Because he did not believe that he had a place at the table, his impact was limited. Markâs first requirement was to replace this limiting belief with one that actually helped him – – namely, that he brought value to these interactions through his knowledge and his superior ability to help clients identify and articulate their needs.
Technical Conditioning: Communicate Like You Belong
Feeling intimidated by more senior individuals often leads to one of two outcomes in terms of how one communicates: either you overcompensate by aggressively advocating your points of view, emphasizing your accomplishments, proving your expertise or you undermine yourself by not saying much, hesitating in your responses and acquiescing to otherâs knowledge above your own. Needless to say, neither is an effective strategy to making a strong impression on anyone! To overcome these blunders, one must prepare themselves by mastering core communication techniques. Chief among these techniques is the ability to helicopter up and speak from the executiveâs perspective taking into account their issues, agenda, and the decisions they have to make. Another is the ability to communicate value in terms of what you bring to the table and the results (rather than the process) of your work. Mark often got mired in the details when communicating with his high level clients thereby missing the opportunity to make an impact with the insights he could provide. He practiced having two to three key messages in his back pocket before every meeting. He became eloquent in crisply summarizing at least three prior engagements so that he could provide that information at opportune times. He developed his own messaging of what his firm does rather than relying on canned marketing speak. In essence, Mark conditioned himself for the expected, leaving his âthinking on his feetâ energy for those situations that were least predictable.
Physical Conditioning: Look Like You Belong
Beyond the genetics one is born with, one should certainly consider what physical attributes within oneâs control negatively impact their executive presence. The culprits are often dress, voice and posture. On casual Fridays, Mark wore his version of casual – – his favorite khakis with now-frayed cuffs and his scuffed up but comfortable loafers. Certainly not an attire that screams credibility to a senior audience. Mark reworked his Friday wardrobe to reflect a comfortable yet confident persona. After seeing himself on video, Mark realized that his voice often betrayed him – – the pace of his speech would quicken the more uncomfortable he was in a situation. With the help of breathing exercises, Mark learned to slow down in the moment and be more deliberate with his points. Lastly, Mark realized that the way he held himself â his posture â held him back. Instead of taking his typical stance of casually leaning back in his chair at meetings, he began leaning forward, hands on the table and making good use of his physical presence to express himself.
While one cannot control their audience, Mark realized that there are many things within his control that he could use to enhance his impact at the executive level. And not one of those things included feigning to be older than he really is!
* Adapted from the Paravis Partner Signature Voice for Leaders Program
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
Great ambition without contribution is without significance. What will your contribution be? How will history remember you? â From the movie âThe Emperorâs Clothesâ
Much has been written about âservant leadershipâ, a term coined by Robert Greenleaf in the 1970s and espoused by others over the past few decades. In reality, the concept of serving others through leadership and its principles have been in practice and encouraged for centuries. But on a day-to-day basis, how does a corporate leader or manager reconcile the ideas of âleadingâ and âservingâ? To start, one must look at their attitude, their actions and their aspirations.
Attitude
What one believes about being a leader and serving will in large part drive their ability to adopt such principles. Take for example, Ken, a VP at a major technology company, whom I coached. Kenâs approach to managing his unit was that his staff exists to help him reach the division goals. In fact, while he could not initially see nor admit it, his attitude was one of âyou are here to serve meâ rather than âI am here to serve youâ. It was no surprise, therefore, that Ken experienced significant turnover in his group and complaints about his autocratic management style ran rampant throughout the organization. With a heavy dose of feedback, Ken realized the benefit of flipping his script. If he could channel his energy to helping his team achieve the goals rather than seeing his staff solely as a means to his end, his results as a leader would have far better yield.
Action
While attitude is the place to start, follow-through is critical. How does a leaderâs day-to-day actions embrace the principle of serving? At its core, a servant leaderâs actions demonstrate consistent consideration of othersâ agendas besides his/her own. This is achieved by the acts of listening, dialoguing, clarifying expectations, and making integrity-driven decisions. Ken, in his efforts to improve his leadership impact, began modifying his actions. He spent time listening to the concerns and ideas of his staff and peer stakeholders. He brought transparency to his decision making whenever possible making it clear that he was taking into consideration what was best for the organization and the relevant stakeholders involved. Over time, his consistent actions enabled him to more strongly lead his group through stressful, ambiguous situations.
Aspirations
Holding a posture of servant leadership requires one to examine their goals: what do you hope for? These are aspirations beyond the immediate business deliverables at hand. Rather, they reflect a desire to make an impact that remains long after the leader is gone from the position. When I asked Ken what he wants to be remembered for in this role once he moves to another opportunity, he realized that beyond over exceeding the business objectives, he wanted his team and clients to remember him as someone they would want to work with again because of what they learned from him. As a servant leader, one must aspire to make an impact beyond oneâs own ambitious or material needs. It is this ability to look and strive beyond self-focus that enables a person to lead by serving.
Take some time to examine your leadership approach. What changes can you make in your attitude, actions, and aspirations, to allow serving to be part of your leadership repertoire all year long?
Reflection Questions:
Leading by serving means looking beyond oneself to the contribution you can make to others. This does not necessarily mean following in the world-changing footsteps of a Mahatma Ghandi or Martin Luther King, Jr. Rather, every manager has the ability to make contribution in their day-to-day role.
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
Confidence â we all want it. And, we all look for it in others, especially those in positions of leadership. Yet, time and time again, I encounter executives who do not feel confident nor exude confidence to others. (I also encounter those who are overly confident – to the point that they are blinded by it – but that is a topic for another article!) What these executives fail to realize is that what makes you confident in one situation will not necessarily have the same effect under different circumstances. Therefore, external circumstances cannot dictate oneâs confidence. Otherwise, your confidence feels like a loose piece of newspaper on a windy day – – swirling every which way depending on the force and direction of the wind. So, the real question is: âWhat builds a leaderâs confidence?â The answer lies in the three primary confidence-builders: Facts, Focus, and Faith.
Face the Facts: The starting point for building confidence in a difficult situation is to face the facts. A review of oneâs past accomplishments and professional track record typically shows that successes far outweigh failures. One need only look at a Tiger Woods to reinforce that idea â do any of his tour losses undermine his phenomenal track record? No â his record speaks for itself. Likewise, executives have track records with successes, and more importantly, with failures that they endured.
Take for example, an executive whom I coached at a global marketing services firmâ weâll call him James. Having recently been promoted to a Vice-President position, James found himself facing new challenges: turning around a low-morale staff, driving new strategic initiatives, and rebuilding the reputation of his department. In addition, he now had a whole new set of relationships to manage given his position including being part of the executive team and being frequently sought after for advice by the CEO. âI often feel like I am going to âget caughtâ – – that someone is going to realize that they made a mistake by promoting me into this position,â said James at one of our coaching meetings. When James stepped into the executive suite, his confidence leapt out the window. After taking inventory of the various promotions that he had received throughout his career, James realized that he had successfully faced new, albeit different, challenges before. His success track record served as a basis of fact against the uncertainty he currently felt regarding his ability to excel in his new role.
Focus: With a track record as the foundation, it is helpful to focus on oneâs strengths to build confidence. Research shows that most people are very strong in a few competencies, weak in several others and average in the majority of skills. Rather than trying to be perfect at everything, successful leaders primarily focus on leveraging their strengths and closely managing their âaverageâ and âweakerâ areas. With the help of a 360 assessment, James accepted that he was not going to be great at everything (nor did anyone expect him to be). He recognized that his strengths in âmanaging othersâ and âcreating visionâ would be key contributing factors to his success in his role. By focusing on his contributions, James grew more confident that he could accomplish some of the challenges ahead.
Faith: It is not by chance that the Latin root of the word confidence is âcon fideâ which translates into âwith faithâ. Ultimately, faith is a belief in the unseen. Leaders are called to create vision and change for the future out of uncertainty â fundamentally, they operate on a level of faith that gives purpose and strength to the path that they carve out for their organizations. Jamesâs fear of failing obstructed his ability to step out on the faith he needed to believe he could succeed in this role despite the newness of it all. By shifting his attention to the excitement of building, creating and leading something new, he tapped into a deeper purpose for his role beyond his own day-to- day successes and challenges. His confidence in the future gave him the ability to accept his place as Vice President and make the impact that he had been asked to make.
Confidence is a constant practice of building â especially as oneâs circumstance change. By tapping into a blend of Facts, Focus and Faith, you can continuously strengthen your confidence to prepare you for the next level. And when that next challenge comes your way, do not be surprised that others remark, âYou are so confident – – how do you do it?â
Reflection Questions:
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
As leaders move through the leadership pipeline they typically gain additional responsibilities, a larger footprint in the organization, and more complex stakeholder groups. They likely have many new constituents to consider, points of view to integrate, a larger vision to convey, and more people to convey it to. In our Signature Voice for Leaders program, we talk about the shift in mindset that is required of leaders to broaden their perspective and influence during an expansion of their role, or to fully step into their current role. They need to see and think more broadly about the organization as a whole to have the impact they desire.
This message of thinking “big picture”, while often difficult, is not usually new to leaders that we work with. The flip side of it, however, often is. Along with holding a broadened perspective is also a need to go deeper and become more focused on what is really important to them as a leader– in short, being clear on their values.
What are Leadership Values? It’s usually easy to begin to understand and envision values at work when we consider leaders we’ve worked for – for example, the person who held “fun” as a core value and couldn’t imagine going to work if he didn’t get to experience and create it. Or the leader for whom “hard work” trumped everything else, and who expected that of her team. Or the person who valued “expertise” above all, and used that as a key criteria in decision-making. Or “relationships”, or “quality”. Each of these is a reflection of what’s most important to that person. It’s authentic to them. It’s what they’re known for and becomes part of their brand. While it’s usually fairly easy to spot in others, it’s sometimes more difficult to see in ourselves those 3 – 4 things that really define what we stand for.
As leaders progress in their career, and as they transition into a new roles, clarity of values can play an important role in making that transition go smoothly.
Values and Motivation As leaders step into a new role, their motivation is critical to enabling them to sustain engagement through the challenges they’ll inevitably face in their new position. Attending to their personal values is a critical first step. For each of us personally, whether we’re working in alignment with our core values or not will usually directly correlate to our satisfaction and engagement in our job. If you think back to times when you felt like you were at your best and fully engaged, it’s likely that you were in an environment that enabled you to live your core values. Likewise, when you had the inevitable “slump” in your career, you likely were not feeling like you were able to live in alignment with what is most important to you. Being clear on how one’s personal values align with the organizational need is critical as one enters into a new role.
Values During Transition When leaders are going through a leadership transition, they can often feel somewhat unsteady. They are at the beginning of a learning curve about the area they are leading, the team they have supporting them, and the expectations of the internal or external customers they are supporting. During this time of uncertainty, growth and change a leader’s values can anchor them in what is NOT changing – what you can still hang onto. Their values become the rudder that can keep the boat upright in the storm-perhaps it’s “challenge”, “teamwork” or “mission-focus”.
Values to Promote Understanding As you think about the last time you got a new boss, if you’re like most people, you spent the first few months of that new relationship trying to figure him or her out. Where are they going to lead us? What is their preferred communication style? How will they make decisions? What are their hot buttons? How can I influence their thinking? That transition period can be shortened greatly with an explicit conversation about these topics, and once again, the answers usually lie in a leader’s values. Being clear on what’s ultimately most important to you, and being explicit about it, can shorten that ramp-up period.
Leadership Values Create Culture We see over and over again that the culture of an organization will typically reflect the values of the leader. It’s as if their values seep into the fabric of the organization, shaping what people focus on, how they make decisions, who gets promoted, the predominant communication styles and the mood and tone of the organization. Being clear about the values a new leader wants to shape in their organization is the first step to creating a culture that will support the leader’s vision.
What are Your Core Values? So, in light of the importance of leadership values, how can you get more clear on what’s most important to you?
As a coach, I often see the deep impact of board leadership on my executive coaching clients. Â Sadly, at times, this impact is not positive and lapses in leadership judgment have left my clients and the general public scratching their heads in confusion. Â Â So today, I’m turning the lens away from the leadership issues that our coaching clients face to leadership issues that their boards face. Why? Because leadership on the board is just as critical as leadership of the organization for which they hold fiduciary responsibility.
To that end, here are some quick leadership refreshers to course correct bad board behavior, especially during critical leadership times:
There can be no excuse for boards behaving badly. We wouldn’t expect it from our leaders. So, why would we accept it from the board? And to all those who graciously, selflessly, diligently and effectively lead on boards, a major kudos to you. There are many of you out there whom we can learn from. Keep up the good work.
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
Around August every year, I’m reminded of the power of making trade-offs. You see, I take a month off every summer (actually five weeks). And, yes, I get a lot of “you do WHAT?” from clients, friends and colleagues alike as they first react to the audacity of taking that much time off. Incredulity quickly transforms to curiosity as the next reaction is typically “How do you do that?” My answer is quite simple: it’s all about priorities and making trade-offs.
Prioritization is just a nicer way of saying that you have to make trade-offs. With all the hoopla over the years about having it all and whether it’s possible or not (regardless of your gender, by the way), I’m intrigued by the fact that so many resist the notion of making trade-offs, as if it means defeat in some way. And I’m left to wonder, “Can you truly lead your organization effectively if you can’t lead with priorities in your own life?”
Take Andy, for example, who is the COO of an investment management firm. When I first started coaching Andy, he made it very clear that he needed to figure out how to operate at this senior level where the scope and scale of impact was much broader. I asked Andy to make a list of what was important to him personally and professionally. The list was two pages long. “Andy,” I said, “My question was what’s most important – not everything you think you should do.” It was no surprise to me that just as much as Andy struggled to lay out priorities in his personal life, he was challenged with making the tough choices at work about where to focus his and his team’s energy. As a result, he and his team ran very hard but never felt like they were accomplishing anything at the level that they’d like.
While much has been written about time management, energy management, strategic prioritization, here’s a quick and dirty back of the envelope way to make priorities work for you, both personally and professionally.
Bottom-line: while it’s not easy to make tradeoffs, it’s imperative. Make it part of your regular routine to reflect, recalibrate and reengage in your priorities. Over time you’ll find that, both in and out of work, the act of making trade-offs will serve you, and those around you, well.
Now, as for those five weeks off⌠For me, having memorable life experiences with my family, seeing the world and being able to substantively recharge periodically for work are up there on my list of paramount priorities. One of my guardrails, an awesome one I’ll admit, is taking a month “off the grid” to travel every year with my family. While this requires me to say “no” to other financial wants and time commitments, it enables me to say “yes” to the things that enable and inspire me to be the best leader I can be – both personally and professionally. That’s my trade-off in a nutshell. What’s yours?
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
Sometimes you come upon leadership lessons in the least expected places. This past Saturday, as I sat outside my daughterâs ballet class, a sole sheet of paper that hung on the bulletin board caught my eye. The title on the lavender hued flyer read âRules for a Dancerâ. To pass time, I read the rules. What I found is a treasure trove of lessons brilliantly transferable from dancers to leaders. I thought these principles worth sharing whether you are an aspiring leader or already an effective leader in your own right.
So here they are, listed in no particular order:
Leadership is hard. No leader ever became successful riding on their natural born talents only. The world of leadership is akin to an extreme sport. Natural ability will only get us so far. Leaders must work hard and persevere.
You wonât always get what you want. You donât always get the role you wanted, the results you want, hear the praise you want, make the money you want, see companies run the way you want, etc. This teaches humility and respect for process of leadership. The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being impactful. Youâll never be 100% sure it will work but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing wonât work.
There is a lot you donât know. There is always more a leader can learn. Even our least favorite bosses, team members, and customers can teach you something. The minute you think you know it all, you stop being a valuable asset.
There may not be a tomorrow. A leader never knows when things will go off course⌠ A strategy changes, the economy takes a dive, a personal challenge takes place. Lead every day as if it is your final opportunity to do so. Donât save your passion for leading for the big moments.  Infuse it even in your day to day routine.
Thereâs a lot you canât control. Donât waste your talent and energy worrying about things you canât control. Focus on honing your leadership skills and being the best leader you can be. Keep an open mind and positive attitude.
Information is not true knowledge. Knowledge comes from experience. You can discuss a task a hundred times and go to multiple meetings, but unless you get out there and engage with your organization, you will only have a conceptual understanding whatâs happening. Find opportunities to get out beyond the executive suite. You must experience what is happening throughout your organization, with your customers and the industry to call yourself a true leader.
Someone else will have more than you or be better than you. It does not matter. Rather than get caught up in what others are doing around you, focus on the things you are good at, the things you need to work on and the things that make you most impactful as a leader.
You canât change the past. Everyone has a past. Everyone has made mistakes and everyone has glorious moments they want to savor. Effective leadership forces you to focus on the present. To be at the top of your leadership game, you have to be in the moment; the minute you take your eye off the ball, mistakes happen. If they do, see #12.
The only person who can make you happy is you. Leadership and work, in and of itself, cannot make you happy. The root of your happiness comes from your relationship with yourself, not from what role you are given, how much money you make, what company you work for, etc. Sure, these things have effects on your mood and outlook but in the long run it who you are on the inside that make you happy.
There will always be people who donât like you. Leaders are on public display when they make hard decisions, drive change, and even the smallest actions such as who they talk to in the cafeteria. Critics abound. You canât be everything to everyone. No matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks differently. So listen to others and concentrate on what you know in your gut is right.
Sometimes you will fail. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, following the best advice, you will fail. Failure is a part of life. Failure can be the catalyst to some of your greatest growth and learning experiences. IF you never failed, you would never value your successes. Be willing to fail. When it happens to you, embrace the lessons that come with failure.
You will at times have to go above and beyond the call of duty. Every leader has at one time or another had to extend themselves and their organization further then what they thought they were capable of. This causes undue stress. There are many good reasons to put in the extra effort and time⌠and there are just as many reasons not to do so. Ask yourself if the cause is worthy and if it is the only way to get to the desired results. Go into the situation fully aware of the implication on you and others. And make sure to recognize when itâs time to get back to a normal pace.
Changing course is sometimes good. If you keep doing what youâre doing, youâll keep getting what youâre getting. I f you keep doing the bare minimum, donât complain when you and your organization donât move to the next level. If you want to grow beyond your comfort zone, you must push yourself beyond your self-imposed limitations.
You will never feel 100% ready. Nobody feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Leaders have to be willing to take risks. From taking a new role, to making an unpopular decision, to changing course, leaders must have a flexible mind and attitude. The greatest opportunities in life force you to grow beyond your comfort zone, which means you wonât feel totally comfortable or ready for it.
So there you have it. Simple yet powerful leadership principles found in the most random of places. Take note of these lessons for yourself. Share them with others.
Note: The 14 rules provided in this article were adapted from an unsourced flyer titled âRules for a Dancerâ on the bulletin board of a professional ballet school in the Washington DC area.
– Muriel Maignan Wilkins
