Overcoming the ‘Grey Hair’ Complex

Your palms are sweaty. You stumble over your words. You don’t seem to be getting a clear message across. You look around the table – – everyone is more senior than you… both in age and title. You wonder if they will ever take you seriously. Sound familiar? If so, you are among many who experience the “Grey Hair” complex. The “grey hair” complex is a self-induced state of intimidation in the presence of more senior executives. It often begins with the false conviction that one would have more credibility if only they had the physical attributes that convey a higher level of seniority – – that physical attribute is often aptly summarized as “grey hair” connoting experience, wisdom and credibility. Dealing with the grey hair complex requires more than just changing your physical appearance… it requires conditioning oneself in three areas: Mental, Technical and Physical*.

Mental Conditioning: Believe That You Belong

A key success factor to conveying confidence in any given situation is determined by how you see yourself in that situation. In order to feel confident in the face of more senior executives, one must carry beliefs that support them in that effort. Mark, a client, had been a star at managing consulting teams for his firm. He was recently promoted to Senior Manager and was in line for partnership. But his new role required him to spend much more face time with internal and external senior executives. The time well spent would have a direct impact on his ability to cultivate, manage and convert client relationships into additional firm business. For several months, Mark struggled with the transition and lost confidence in how he interacted with senior individuals. Often the youngest one at the high-level client meetings, he deferred to the more senior partners with him. He hesitated to challenge his senior clients with questions or his point of view. While Mark wished for the day when executives would see him as a peer, he refused to see himself as such. Because he did not believe that he had a place at the table, his impact was limited. Mark’s first requirement was to replace this limiting belief with one that actually helped him – – namely, that he brought value to these interactions through his knowledge and his superior ability to help clients identify and articulate their needs.

Technical Conditioning: Communicate Like You Belong

Feeling intimidated by more senior individuals often leads to one of two outcomes in terms of how one communicates: either you overcompensate by aggressively advocating your points of view, emphasizing your accomplishments, proving your expertise or you undermine yourself by not saying much, hesitating in your responses and acquiescing to other’s knowledge above your own. Needless to say, neither is an effective strategy to making a strong impression on anyone! To overcome these blunders, one must prepare themselves by mastering core communication techniques. Chief among these techniques is the ability to helicopter up and speak from the executive’s perspective taking into account their issues, agenda, and the decisions they have to make. Another is the ability to communicate value in terms of what you bring to the table and the results (rather than the process) of your work. Mark often got mired in the details when communicating with his high level clients thereby missing the opportunity to make an impact with the insights he could provide. He practiced having two to three key messages in his back pocket before every meeting. He became eloquent in crisply summarizing at least three prior engagements so that he could provide that information at opportune times. He developed his own messaging of what his firm does rather than relying on canned marketing speak. In essence, Mark conditioned himself for the expected, leaving his “thinking on his feet” energy for those situations that were least predictable.

Physical Conditioning: Look Like You Belong

Beyond the genetics one is born with, one should certainly consider what physical attributes within one’s control negatively impact their executive presence. The culprits are often dress, voice and posture. On casual Fridays, Mark wore his version of casual – – his favorite khakis with now-frayed cuffs and his scuffed up but comfortable loafers. Certainly not an attire that screams credibility to a senior audience. Mark reworked his Friday wardrobe to reflect a comfortable yet confident persona. After seeing himself on video, Mark realized that his voice often betrayed him – – the pace of his speech would quicken the more uncomfortable he was in a situation. With the help of breathing exercises, Mark learned to slow down in the moment and be more deliberate with his points. Lastly, Mark realized that the way he held himself – his posture – held him back. Instead of taking his typical stance of casually leaning back in his chair at meetings, he began leaning forward, hands on the table and making good use of his physical presence to express himself.

While one cannot control their audience, Mark realized that there are many things within his control that he could use to enhance his impact at the executive level. And not one of those things included feigning to be older than he really is!

* Adapted from the Paravis Partner Signature Voice for Leaders Program

– Muriel Maignan Wilkins