Leader as Coach: Lessons from a Saturday on the Soccer Field

As I sat on the sidelines for my son’s soccer tournament this past weekend, I observed various coaching styles and techniques which bore an eerie resemblance to the coaching and development approaches that sometimes play out in the halls of corporate America.  Feedback such as, “Just put the ball in the net already!” or “If I see you do that one more time, you’re coming off the field!” abounded.  My favorite “not so helpful” quote of the weekend? — “I know you’ve been on the field for 20 minutes, but anytime you’re ready, Alex, just start playing!”  Whew– with that kind of support, it’s no surprise that the players’ performance stayed the same or sometimes tanked.

It wasn’t all bad, I also heard coaching feedback such as, “Ok, Aaron, next time try passing it straight up the wing, you can do it!”.   I suppose I regained hope when I found myself clapping for an opposing team as I watched each member communicate effortlessly on the field, play to their strengths, hold their field positions, and maintain their composure – all signs that they had been well coached for some time.  Their calm and confident coach, stood on the sidelines doling out timely, forward-looking feedback that was fair and accurate, yet not undercutting.   The coach was aware that it was game time, a time to show what you’ve learned over months, not a time to cram what should have been done over months.

As executive coaches and leadership development trainers, we know that the “frazzled, unhelpful coach style” is far more common than it should be. Our clients often share their stories and frustrations about their boss’ development approach.  These themes can be summed up as follows:

• Sharing information on what not to do, but not clarifying what to do
• No proactive development plan in place, just reacting in the moment to actions gone wrong
• Blindsiding direct reports with feedback that should have been shared sooner or more directly
• Giving advice, but not creating the opportunity to practice
• Using the annual review as “the” development platform

For managers and leaders to move from good intentions to meaningful development of their direct reports, they must bring a more robust approach to coaching for development. They must think about how to BUILD.

Begin with Yourself

At the heart of how each leader coaches others is a set of beliefs, assumptions and personal behavior patterns that the leader tends to fall back on. These beliefs can either support or thwart the process.  What are your beliefs about who is responsible for the development of others?  What are your assumptions about the value of developing others and about the capability of each of your direct reports?   What patterns do you fall back on?   Do you make development a priority? Do you take ownership of what’s working, and not working, with your direct reports?

Understand the Coach Role and Why it Works

Treating coaching like mentoring may give your direct reports some helpful tips and advice gleaned from your prior experience, but it won’t provide the experimentation and practice that is needed for new behavioral practices to stick.  I know you didn’t follow the corporate or not-for-profit path to find yourself knee deep in neuroscience of the brain or adult development theory, but in the case of coaching adults for development, a little bit of knowledge can be helpful.  Pause to read a few articles by Robert Kegan, or David Rock, or subscribe to a training and development magazine.    Before you know it, you will be focusing on the key behaviors of your direct reports; understanding what truly motivates people (not a carrot and stick approach); and spending time clarifying the key assumptions and beliefs that drive your direct reports’ actions. In short, you will have a more solid foundation to begin coaching.

Incorporate Coaching Conversations

If your idea of constructive feedback is akin to “just put the ball in the net already”, it’s time to hone some new skills! Successful coaching is all about holding effective coaching conversations.  These conversations require a strong set of communication skills which include, listening and exploring, giving and receiving feedback, communicating a fact-based assessment of your direct reports’ core opportunities and challenges, and building shared expectations for action.  You will gain more traction if you temporarily halt the penchant for action and 1) seek to understand  2) focus on observed behaviors and articulating a clear vision for new, desired behaviors and 3) make it a discussion and not a debate.  

Learn the Process

The operative word here is “process”.  Coaching others toward success is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process that is proactively designed to shift behaviors.  Start by identifying specific behaviors.  Set expectations for desired outcomes.  Gain agreement with your direct report(s).  Then, co-design a coaching roadmap or plan. Finally, you will need to gain commitment to the plan and provide ongoing monitoring, support and constructive feedback.  

Develop Resources and Support

So, you’ve raised your self-awareness. You understand that coaching is not teaching and is not mentoring.  You are better skilled in handling the many coaching conversations that are faced in the workplace, and you have a collaboratively developed roadmap that takes you from being the “frazzled, unhelpful, shouter” to the “supportive and proactive” coach–Done?  Not so fast.  It’s time to dig deeper.  Your direct reports need ongoing support and resources.  Think crafting opportunities for your direct reports, or rallying for the dollars to send them to that much needed course.  Review each aspect of the roadmap and ask yourself, “what can I do to support this plan?”

This all takes a lot of time and effort, you say, and you are correct – but, so does re-hiring.  It is important to keep in mind that, ultimately, the work of managing and leading is about coaching others toward success.  Interestingly enough, as we learn to effectively BUILD others up to their full potential, a curious thing happens – we’ve somehow learned to BUILD ourselves as well.

– Nina Bowman