Motivating, developing, and inspiring others is a big part of the job. Look here for new strategies and tips.

What Gets in the Way of Listening

2021-09-28T14:10:35-04:00April 8, 2016|Amy Jen Su, Leading Others, Leading Self, Muriel Wilkins, Our News, Paravis on HBR, Paravis Partners|

As your role grows in scale and influence, so too must your ability to listen. But listening is one of the toughest skills to master — and requires uncovering deeper barriers within oneself.

Take, for example, our client, Janet, a successful principal in a management consulting firm.  She recently received 360-degree feedback from colleagues that she needed to improve her listening skills.  This confused her — she had always thought of herself as an active listener.  When we asked her colleagues why, they described how she wouldn’t exactly answer questions in meetings — and how she often had different takeaways from the rest of the team.  Janet wanted to explore what was happening.  It seemed simple enough, and yet why was she having trouble? The key, ironically, is to focus on yourself. READ ARTICLE

When Your Good Mentor Goes Bad

2021-09-28T14:12:28-04:00April 8, 2016|Amy Jen Su, Leading Others, Leading Self, Muriel Wilkins, Our News, Paravis on HBR, Paravis Partners|

According to a study at Sun Microsystems, mentees were promoted five times more often than those without a mentor. Eighty-eight percent of respondents to a Center for Creative Leadership survey believe that having a mentor is useful for career development. It never hurts to have a few good mentors behind you. But what happens when a good mentor goes bad?     READ ARTICLE

The Perils of the All-Employee Meeting

2021-09-28T14:15:58-04:00April 8, 2016|Amy Jen Su, Leading Others, Leading the Business, Muriel Wilkins, Our News, Paravis on HBR, Paravis Partners|

Town halls, all hands, skip level meetings, the list goes on. Anyone who works in a corporate environment has experienced them. And the more senior you become, the more you bear the responsibility of using these vehicles to cascade information throughout the organization. But what happens when they fail to work? When they just don’t make the impact that you’re looking for? It made us think, what does one do when the run of the mill communication tactics just don’t cut it anymore?     READ ARTICLE

What Micromanagers Really Mean When They Try to Explain Their Behavior Leading

2021-09-28T14:19:14-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Leading Self, Muriel Wilkins, Our News, Paravis on HBR, Paravis Partners|

What Micromanagers Really Mean When They Try to Explain Their Behavior Leading: A helpful chart to help you gain perspective.     READ ARTICLE

Signs That You Lack Emotional Intelligence

2021-09-28T14:24:29-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Leading Self, Muriel Wilkins, Our News, Paravis on HBR, Paravis Partners, Presence, Leadership, and Communications|

In my ten years as an executive coach, I have never had someone raise his hand and declare that he needs to work on his emotional intelligence. Yet I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard from people that the one thing their colleague needs to work on is emotional intelligence. This is the problem: those who most need to develop it are the ones who least realize it. The data showing that emotional intelligence is a key differentiator between star performers and the rest of the pack is irrefutable. Nevertheless, there are some who never embrace the skill for themselves — or who wait until it’s too late.     READ ARTICLE

Is Your Employee Coachable?

2021-09-28T14:26:52-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Muriel Wilkins, Our News, Paravis on HBR, Paravis Partners|

As a manager, you provide some level of coaching to all your direct reports, helping some attain higher levels of professional achievement, and helping others improve their performance to fulfill their current roles. But while every manager should have the capability to coach, you also need to have the ability to discern when coaching isn’t working.     READ ARTICLE

Why Executives Should Talk About Racial Bias at Work

2021-09-28T14:28:09-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Leading the Business, Muriel Wilkins, Our News, Paravis on HBR, Paravis Partners|

For the past several months, it seemed that everywhere I turned people were talking about events in Ferguson, Staten Island, and North Charleston — in living rooms, classrooms, anchor rooms — everywhere but in most corporate conference rooms. In fact, I have not heard one corporate leader make the link between what happened in these places and what goes on inside their organizations. But there is a connection. After all, it’s not like the racial bias that underlies these social events doesn’t exist inside corporate walls. It does and executives shouldn’t be silent about it.     READ ARTICLE

Being a Better Leader Today: Get Out of Your Own Way

2021-04-09T11:02:25-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Leading Self, Muriel Wilkins, Paravis Partners|

“Can I even factor, that I’ve only been an actor. In this staged interpretation of this day? Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light. Too intelligent to see it’s me in the way.”  -Lauryn Hill

Every client who I coach has a “something” that gets in his or her own way. Sometimes it is anger towards others in their organization, impatience, fear of being judged, being the only woman on the executive team, past mistakes, a different professional or personal background and the list goes on. Their inability to transcend this “something” trumps their ability to live up to their full leadership potential. So how does one get out of their own way? There are three rules:

Rule #1: Do not make it all about you.

Don’t indulge in a blame game or victim mentality. I have had executives who in an “aha” moment share that once they stopped making whatever situation they were facing all about them, they were able to step up to the plate and be the leader that they could and needed to be.

Rule #2: Give benefit of the doubt to others…

even when they doubt you. Time and time again, I find executives who want more out of their teams yet at the core don’t believe the team can do it. Or who think less of themselves when they hit a rough patch and are no longer the rising star of the company. Being able to get past yourself and see the possibilities in other’s capacity is fundamental in reaching a new vision.

Rule #3: Laser focus on what works and cut out the noise.

As executives, it is easy to get caught up in  one’s own internal noise and that being made by the organization. It is imperative to check your assumptions, the mindset by which you are viewing your leadership role and organization,   and laser focus on the ones that will help you put your best foot forward.

So next time you find yourself in a leadership challenge, check the rules. You may find that part of your success to make it to the end will be based on your ability to get out of your own way.

Getting out of one’s own way as a leader starts with recognizing when you are in the way. This requires taking a step back, helicoptering up and looking at the situation from the outside. Think of a challenging situation that you face now whether it is interpersonally, trying to move a change initiative along or transitioning into new responsibilities.

Reflection Questions

  1. What are you doing to help the situation? What are you doing that either maintains the status quo or negatively impacts the situation?
  2. How does your mindset or attitude towards yourself and/or others need to change to get to where you are trying to go?
  3. What one step are you willing to take to get out of your way to being a better leader today?

– Muriel Maignan Wilkins

 

The Age of Authenticity

2021-04-09T10:33:22-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Muriel Wilkins, Paravis Partners, Presence, Leadership, and Communications|

“To attract followers, a leader has to be many things to many people. The trick is to pull that off while remaining true to yourself.”    – Robert Goffee + Gareth Jones

These days, it seems we cannot turn our head without the word “authenticity” in our faces. If authenticity was a product, it would surely be a hot seller. Clearly, the game of being authentic has become high stakes – – one only needs to watch the pundits square off on presidential hopefuls to see how high stakes it is. But what is authenticity? And, is it really as important as the weight we put on it? When asked the meaning of being authentic, most folks surface ideas of “being true to oneself”, “being comfortable in one’s own skin”, “walking the talk”. The problem is that these are all self-centered attributes focused on how one feels about oneself. According to Webster’s dictionary, authenticity is “a state of being that can be believed, is trusted and deemed reliable.” Authenticity is thereby a relational behavior rather than a self-centered one. To be truly authentic, one must not only be able to be comfortable with herself, but also comfortably connect with others.

Take a coaching client, Mark, a vice-president of a technology company. When we first met, he asked me what I thought of him. Given that I had only briefly interacted with him up to that point, it was a risky question to answer – – yet a very important one given what I had observed thus far. Here was my response: “Clearly you are intelligent, ambitious and passionate about the work that you do. You appear to always have the ‘right’ answer to my questions yet I wonder if they are your ‘real’ answers. I feel like you tell me what you think I want to hear. So I’ll be curious to find out if others in your organization are experiencing you the same way.” My response was a hypothesis – – his 360 feedback from his peers and boss provided the data to drive the point home. Mark was seen as someone whom you never knew where he stood on the issues nor where you stood with him. His colleagues had over time lost trust in him because they were never sure if what he said was truly what he meant. This was a clear example of showing lack of authenticity because of an inability to be comfortable with one’s own perspective, stance and direction nor connecting to what others need. As a leader, others want to know where you stand so they know whether to follow or walk with you – – they do not want to have to guess or be blindsided midstream.

While there is not a quick fix to increasing one’s authenticity, there are several focus areas that will certainly help you get on a positive path. We refer to them as the 3 P’s: Point of View, Position, and Personal History.

Point of View: By articulating his point of view on organizational issues, challenges and disagreements, Mark became more comfortable speaking his mind and being challenged on it. Having a point of view is critical to being authentic. Being open and willing to engage in exchanges on that point of view accentuates your leadership even further by demonstrating both strength and flexibility in the midst of challenges and change.

Positioning: While taking a position is important, over-positioning yourself within an organization is detrimental. Know the difference between navigating the political waters of your organization vs. actually becoming the politics itself. Mark became more forthright in his efforts to implement change in the organization – – rather than working primarily behind the scenes, he encouraged an open forum on the issues. Get support for your initiatives but be transparent about what you are doing, why you are doing it and how you are doing it.

Personal History: At the core, one needs to connect with their personal history and identify the key events, messages, people that shaped who they are today. Growing up, Mark did not come from a privileged socio- economic background. When he was sent to elite schools at a young age, the message he received was “to survive in this system, you need to watch your back and not rock the boat.” While that message might have served him well then, it was no longer serving him in the corporate leadership world. Exploring your personal history will often surface messages that are worth reexamining in order to truly express your authentic self.

As the path to Election 2016 continues and we watch with interest the pundits argue who is authentic and who is not, reflect on your own path: if you were the candidate, what would we be saying about your authenticity?

What’s your path to authenticity?

  1. What do people think you stand for? What point of view do you take on the various dimensions of your work and personal life?
  2. Observe how you navigate your organization and your relationships. To what extent do you seek to understand and consider other’s agendas without becoming too chameleon-like?
  3. What steps can you take tomorrow to engender trust from others yet remain true to yourself?

– Muriel Maignan Wilkins

Leadership: To Serve or To Be Served?

2021-04-09T11:41:23-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Muriel Wilkins, Paravis Partners|

Great ambition without contribution is without significance. What will your contribution be? How will history remember you? – From the movie “The Emperor’s Clothes”

Much has been written about “servant leadership”, a term coined by Robert Greenleaf in the 1970s and espoused by others over the past few decades. In reality, the concept of serving others through leadership and its principles have been in practice and encouraged for centuries. But on a day-to-day basis, how does a corporate leader or manager reconcile the ideas of “leading” and “serving”? To start, one must look at their attitude, their actions and their aspirations.

Attitude

What one believes about being a leader and serving will in large part drive their ability to adopt such principles. Take for example, Ken, a VP at a major technology company, whom I coached. Ken’s approach to managing his unit was that his staff exists to help him reach the division goals. In fact, while he could not initially see nor admit it, his attitude was one of “you are here to serve me” rather than “I am here to serve you”. It was no surprise, therefore, that Ken experienced significant turnover in his group and complaints about his autocratic management style ran rampant throughout the organization. With a heavy dose of feedback, Ken realized the benefit of flipping his script. If he could channel his energy to helping his team achieve the goals rather than seeing his staff solely as a means to his end, his results as a leader would have far better yield.

Action

While attitude is the place to start, follow-through is critical. How does a leader’s day-to-day actions embrace the principle of serving? At its core, a servant leader’s actions demonstrate consistent consideration of others’ agendas besides his/her own. This is achieved by the acts of listening, dialoguing, clarifying expectations, and making integrity-driven decisions. Ken, in his efforts to improve his leadership impact, began modifying his actions. He spent time listening to the concerns and ideas of his staff and peer stakeholders. He brought transparency to his decision making whenever possible making it clear that he was taking into consideration what was best for the organization and the relevant stakeholders involved. Over time, his consistent actions enabled him to more strongly lead his group through stressful, ambiguous situations.

Aspirations

Holding a posture of servant leadership requires one to examine their goals: what do you hope for? These are aspirations beyond the immediate business deliverables at hand. Rather, they reflect a desire to make an impact that remains long after the leader is gone from the position. When I asked Ken what he wants to be remembered for in this role once he moves to another opportunity, he realized that beyond over exceeding the business objectives, he wanted his team and clients to remember him as someone they would want to work with again because of what they learned from him. As a servant leader, one must aspire to make an impact beyond one’s own ambitious or material needs. It is this ability to look and strive beyond self-focus that enables a person to lead by serving.

Take some time to examine your leadership approach. What changes can you make in your attitude, actions, and aspirations, to allow serving to be part of your leadership repertoire all year long?

Reflection Questions:

Leading by serving means looking beyond oneself to the contribution you can make to others. This does not necessarily mean following in the world-changing footsteps of a Mahatma Ghandi or Martin Luther King, Jr. Rather, every manager has the ability to make contribution in their day-to-day role.

  1. What drives you to lead?
  2. What would it mean for you to “serve rather than be served” in your current role?
  3. How would serving strengthen your leadership impact?

– Muriel Maignan Wilkins

Leadership Values in Times of Transition

2021-04-09T10:27:29-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Leading Self, Paravis Partners|

As leaders move through the leadership pipeline they typically gain additional responsibilities, a larger footprint in the organization, and more complex stakeholder groups. They likely have many new constituents to consider, points of view to integrate, a larger vision to convey, and more people to convey it to. In our Signature Voice for Leaders program, we talk about the shift in mindset that is required of leaders to broaden their perspective and influence during an expansion of their role, or to fully step into their current role. They need to see and think more broadly about the organization as a whole to have the impact they desire.

This message of thinking “big picture”, while often difficult, is not usually new to leaders that we work with. The flip side of it, however, often is. Along with holding a broadened perspective is also a need to go deeper and become more focused on what is really important to them as a leader– in short, being clear on their values.

What are Leadership Values? It’s usually easy to begin to understand and envision values at work when we consider leaders we’ve worked for – for example, the person who held “fun” as a core value and couldn’t imagine going to work if he didn’t get to experience and create it. Or the leader for whom “hard work” trumped everything else, and who expected that of her team. Or the person who valued “expertise” above all, and used that as a key criteria in decision-making. Or “relationships”, or “quality”. Each of these is a reflection of what’s most important to that person. It’s authentic to them. It’s what they’re known for and becomes part of their brand. While it’s usually fairly easy to spot in others, it’s sometimes more difficult to see in ourselves those 3 – 4 things that really define what we stand for.

As leaders progress in their career, and as they transition into a new roles, clarity of values can play an important role in making that transition go smoothly.

Values and Motivation As leaders step into a new role, their motivation is critical to enabling them to sustain engagement through the challenges they’ll inevitably face in their new position. Attending to their personal values is a critical first step. For each of us personally, whether we’re working in alignment with our core values or not will usually directly correlate to our satisfaction and engagement in our job. If you think back to times when you felt like you were at your best and fully engaged, it’s likely that you were in an environment that enabled you to live your core values. Likewise, when you had the inevitable “slump” in your career, you likely were not feeling like you were able to live in alignment with what is most important to you. Being clear on how one’s personal values align with the organizational need is critical as one enters into a new role.

Values During Transition When leaders are going through a leadership transition, they can often feel somewhat unsteady. They are at the beginning of a learning curve about the area they are leading, the team they have supporting them, and the expectations of the internal or external customers they are supporting. During this time of uncertainty, growth and change a leader’s values can anchor them in what is NOT changing – what you can still hang onto. Their values become the rudder that can keep the boat upright in the storm-perhaps it’s “challenge”, “teamwork” or “mission-focus”.

Values to Promote Understanding As you think about the last time you got a new boss, if you’re like most people, you spent the first few months of that new relationship trying to figure him or her out. Where are they going to lead us? What is their preferred communication style? How will they make decisions? What are their hot buttons? How can I influence their thinking? That transition period can be shortened greatly with an explicit conversation about these topics, and once again, the answers usually lie in a leader’s values. Being clear on what’s ultimately most important to you, and being explicit about it, can shorten that ramp-up period.

Leadership Values Create Culture We see over and over again that the culture of an organization will typically reflect the values of the leader. It’s as if their values seep into the fabric of the organization, shaping what people focus on, how they make decisions, who gets promoted, the predominant communication styles and the mood and tone of the organization. Being clear about the values a new leader wants to shape in their organization is the first step to creating a culture that will support the leader’s vision.

What are Your Core Values? So, in light of the importance of leadership values, how can you get more clear on what’s most important to you?

  1. Think back to the high points and low points in your career. During the high points, what are the words that come to mind that describe the experience and made it fulfilling for you? During the low points, what was missing?
  1. Think back to the last time you had an emotional disagreement with someone or felt triggered. What value was it that was being challenged at that time? It’s likely something that’s very important to you.
  1. Ask a few confidantes. It’s often easier for us to see values in others than in ourselves. If you ask a few people what you’re known for, or what they believe is ultimately most important to you, what themes begin to emerge?
  1. As you get more clear on your values, think about how you can use that knowledge to motivate yourself and others, promote understanding, and create the culture that will lead to success!

The Power of Trade-offs

2021-04-09T10:14:02-04:00April 8, 2016|Leading Others, Leading Self, Muriel Wilkins, Paravis Partners|

Around August every year, I’m reminded of the power of making trade-offs. You see, I take a month off every summer (actually five weeks). And, yes, I get a lot of “you do WHAT?” from clients, friends and colleagues alike as they first react to the audacity of taking that much time off. Incredulity quickly transforms to curiosity as the next reaction is typically “How do you do that?” My answer is quite simple: it’s all about priorities and making trade-offs.

Prioritization is just a nicer way of saying that you have to make trade-offs. With all the hoopla over the years about having it all and whether it’s possible or not (regardless of your gender, by the way), I’m intrigued by the fact that so many resist the notion of making trade-offs, as if it means defeat in some way. And I’m left to wonder, “Can you truly lead your organization effectively if you can’t lead with priorities in your own life?”

Take Andy, for example, who is the COO of an investment management firm. When I first started coaching Andy, he made it very clear that he needed to figure out how to operate at this senior level where the scope and scale of impact was much broader. I asked Andy to make a list of what was important to him personally and professionally. The list was two pages long. “Andy,” I said, “My question was what’s most important – not everything you think you should do.” It was no surprise to me that just as much as Andy struggled to lay out priorities in his personal life, he was challenged with making the tough choices at work about where to focus his and his team’s energy. As a result, he and his team ran very hard but never felt like they were accomplishing anything at the level that they’d like.

While much has been written about time management, energy management, strategic prioritization, here’s a quick and dirty back of the envelope way to make priorities work for you, both personally and professionally.

  1. Name your trade-offs. I can empathize with those who feel like everything on your list is important. It probably is. But can you circle the ones that are most important. Peter Bregman, in his book “18 Minutes”, describes our reticence to choose priorities as the “buffet challenge” – – there are so many good things to choose from, all for one price, that we don’t choose. Instead, we try to do it all. The answer (as it is for the buffet) is to choose a few things. Bregman suggests listing 3-5 things you’ll focus on for a year and spending 90% of your time in support of those areas. This requires determining what doesn’t fit on your plate anymore and leaving it at the buffet for someone else to eat.
  2. Own your trade-offs. Making decisions about what to focus on and what not to focus on can be tough. What if you pick the “wrong” things? What will you give up? What will others think? What if you’re not happy with the outcome? You need to make your choices without judgment and without the fear of being judged for the choice you make. You are the one who will need to live with and deliver on that priority so the number one person who needs to fully believe in it and embrace it is you.
  3. Create guardrails. When you’re taking a long drive down a highway, it’s easy to get distracted by other things which then take our mind off the road. Thank goodness for guardrails that get us back in line. Having guardrails to keep you from straying off the path on your priorities is critical too. For example, Andy chose developing his team’s bench strength as one of his priorities. A guardrail which kept him in line with this priority was having monthly development discussions with each of his direct report. One of my clients had “making his wife feel special” as a priority. He mapped out a whole year of monthly surprises of things she enjoyed – – flowers, spa visit, a babysitter – – that supported his choice.
  4. Get alignment. Whether personally or professionally, make sure you get those important to you to buy into your priorities. If not, it will be a tough lonely road ahead to stay the course. On the personal front, make sure your significant other, kids or friends are supportive of the choices. It’s hard to choose “taking care of my health” as a priority and have your whole family scowling every time you say you’re heading out for a workout. Pat Lencioni does a fabulous job in his book “The Three Questions of a Frantic Family” outlining how to get families to rally around core priorities. Likewise, aligning your team, boss and key stakeholders on key business priorities is critical especially when you are in a leadership position. Without their buy in, it will be difficult to achieve the results you set out.

Bottom-line: while it’s not easy to make tradeoffs, it’s imperative. Make it part of your regular routine to reflect, recalibrate and reengage in your priorities. Over time you’ll find that, both in and out of work, the act of making trade-offs will serve you, and those around you, well.

Now, as for those five weeks off… For me, having memorable life experiences with my family, seeing the world and being able to substantively recharge periodically for work are up there on my list of paramount priorities. One of my guardrails, an awesome one I’ll admit, is taking a month “off the grid” to travel every year with my family. While this requires me to say “no” to other financial wants and time commitments, it enables me to say “yes” to the things that enable and inspire me to be the best leader I can be – both personally and professionally. That’s my trade-off in a nutshell. What’s yours?

– Muriel Maignan Wilkins

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